Thursday, February 16, 2006

Endure Innovation

I'm sorry. I hate Fischer Cruisers. They're just ugly bullshit.

Karhu's line provides great recreational skis in compact sizes. Too bad they picked up the stupid, ugly tongue depressor tip Fischer stuck us with when they pooped out the Cruising line. But aside from that unfortunate cosmetic detail, Karhu's compact touring skis do a vastly better job in all aspects of recreational skiing and don't stop a beginner's learning curve with their shape, the way Fischer's Cruisers do.

Fischer's Cruiser shape is a masterpiece of cynicism. It allows a beginning skier to ride a panicked snowplow down a hill, and herringbone up the next one, by laying a long edge down in the middle of the ski. But this same long edge prevents a skier from developing any better technique. True, a great many skiers will never improve. A great many skiers will never know the difference. But by marketing these distinctly ugly, limited-use tools as general-purpose skis, Fischer is just spreading disinformation.

Disinformation and propaganda are mainstays of the ski industry. No company is innocent. Only a rare shop will break cover and admit this, because we all have to move product to stay in business. Most people don't get to use their skis enough to be able to figure out exactly what they don't like about them, so the industry is safe in pumping out weird-looking sticks backed by basically fabricated claims. It's the age-old question. Does anyone really know that their company has produced a turkey, or are they all just caught up in the marketing department's good vibes?

I only mention this because a poor soul has brought in two sets of Cruisers to be waxed. I have to polish these turds to a bright shine for tomorrow morning. I feel like a cheap whore. What I'm doing may make them feel better temporarily, but it's degrading and sad for both of us. I'm wasting wax on something that wouldn't even look good nailed to the side of a barn, and the customers are trapped in the delusion that it is a ski.

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